Before it starts

I can feel his eyes in the back of my head

Hear his tales of the times we had

Sense him nurture the urge till the red zone

Catch him flipping through numbers in my phone

Noticed the shift of my own perception

That is how it starts

My definition of beauty doesn’t change it lowers

Until finally it hits my metaphorical sewers

That is the red zone a place I shouldn’t go

It is in this state  all morals are let go

And the act becomes more important than the company

Smiling as he says aren’t you happy you have me

The disgust and loathing that burn away my dignity

Mean nothing to this revolting entity

The deed is central the deed is key

Feelings and emotions are rendered empty

A few hours of fun for a bad memory

An accepted consequence for this vile entity

So I act in haste before I go crazy

Before I lose control and my vision turns hazy

Before it starts I place myself where I need to be

A lovely prison an illusion of safety

For this is a fight against time and me

A burden that’s unmeasurably heavy

But this is my reality

So before he starts I have to stop me

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