It’s unfair

Sometimes I still read your words,
as if I want to remind myself I need to miss you
Compare each line to mine to see if I measure up to you
In my mind I visit the beach you wrote about
and watch the waves crash near my feet
I reread each sentence and gaze at the space in between,
hoping the emptiness will speak
You were the other side of my inner writer whom I never knew was missing
I know a reply isn’t coming to my last message but foolishly I’m still waiting
Hoping that perhaps a rift in time will allow you to tell me you’re okay
When I lost you, you took away everything beautiful a poet could say
Now I’m merely tracing words written by a shell of emotions I can’t feel
Writing along the edges of acceptance and each line ends with “Is this real?”
The tears that fell when I heard you’d jumped still stain my heart
The friendship I lost took my happiness and ripped it apart
I taped it together with the Band-Aids depression gave me
Guess what? Even he was crying; seems without you even he feels lonely
The similarities we had put us on the same road of life
I had to put my pen to the side and use a pencil to talk to life
Because certainty of survival or maintaining was lost
Hope got dragged into the dark, screaming and kicking, but it was for naught
I want to practise every religion known to man and go through every rite
Just so I can ask every God out there to give me another moment with you
I don’t miss you because I love you
I miss you because I needed you
I keep your words in a safe place time can’t touch
I’ve lived long enough to say that finding a friend like you is tough
And now that you’re gone I’m left with shadows that dance around me
The one star I had in my darkness was taken; my horizon is empty
Why did you jump?
Why weren’t my words there to protect you?
I have failed you as a writer, I have failed you as a friend
It’s unfair that I wasn’t there for you
It’s unfair that your mind told you that jumping was something to do

I miss you

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