The storm clouds sit with tears I never wanted to cry

I sat with a smile, when the writer in me wanted to die

Tears slowly went down a cheek for a writer unlike any other

You were the one that broke the rules to a gate I build out of defence

I can’t hide behind false words or broken sentences

pieced together by a false need for approval

This isn’t about the fact that I won’t see you or the fact that missing you isn’t a real option

This is for the years, and the tears that fell because of you,

I congratulate the impact you had on the people around you

So I raise my glass and toast on the wonderful person you were

Cheers

I dip my head to wait for the tears to clear,

but they never do they just hide behind words of a poet lost in a dream,

I never wanted to sleep in

I reminisce on the mails we were sending and the conversation we had,

the good times you had and of course the bad

You sent me all you had ever written and I read each word with more amazement than the one before it, I found lines in yours I could have writ

And after all was said and done, I can honestly say that I fell in love with the writer in you

But I won’t rehash a future you will never have

instead I will revel at the greatness you have showed us before we lost you

So for that I raise my glass and toast to you

Cheers

We have never had a drink, or shared dirty stories of tales we could smile at

And to be honest I’m still waiting on you to email me back

I wrote you … maybe you got before you jumped, maybe you didn’t I don’t care

As a poet, a writer, a friend you were one that exceed all that came before you

Maybe it was the fact that you slept in the same dark I do

Maybe it was the fact that our pain was so similar it’s scared both of us

I don’t know and I don’t care, I don’t even have the strength in me to dare

To come up with lines to dazzle you, because I want to be honest and simply tell you

You were my friend, you were the other side of the darkness,

you understood my pain without me having to say a word

And if you left the way you did, it means I can too

But I’m not here to discuss how it ended,

I am here to tell you that what you did up till that point was magnificent

So for that I raise my glass to toast an angel draped in black

Cheers

I try to live twice as much, so I can make mistakes and give them to you when I see you

I write more, and more, till I can lose myself in words and once again find you

It’s no longer about being better, it’s about being what you could have been

I don’t need to hear angels sing, I don’t need to see the devils grin

All I need to know is that you found peace

There is no structure in life, you fight to keep the white flag from waving

Life is nothing more than a trial you are constantly losing

But some losses are heavier than others

Some chains scar you deeper than you care to admit

But I’m proud of every wound I received because they show you that I won’t quit

I won’t lose a step, I’ll keep running until the road breaks up

The horizon crumbles under the sun, and even then I’m not yet done

I’ll fly on wings, made from the poems you never performed

I’ll write your life on the feathers of angels, till god admits he was wrong

But before I do all of that, I’ll want to look back

And smile at who you were, what you have done, and who you inspired

I’m still mad, but I forgive you, you were fighting for so long, you were just tired

So for your struggle up till that point, for all the words you wrote till that point

For all the love you had till that point, all the smiles you made till that point

I Vino Venitas, standing on the one stage you performed on

We Spoken Notes, as the one audience who heard you

Raise our glass and toast the life you had, and celebrate

On 3 … 1, 2, 3

CHEERS

R.I.P. Phebe

Vino