There is this pulse that sits next to my heartbeat
And when my mind wanders off into the dark it speaks
But when I was young I never knew that that noise was a voice
I always figured that this pen of mine left me a choice
But apparently it was guided by the murmur in the back of my mind
I was always curious as to why I couldn’t leave that sound behind
The realization of its existence isn’t a matter of luck
With each blow life struck to my gut the volume got turned up
Year after year, blow after blow, it was as if he wanted me to know
That he was right there watching me grow
He was using the pain to fill himself with substance
He used the pieces of my broken heart to make his own
And he has kept my nightmares safe ever since
And he has been in my corner to make sure Im not alone
He grew slower than me, but stronger than me
And slowly made his way into everything I see
But he waits in the dark catching everything that falls from the light
All the tears, the broken pieces of my reality, the pain and he fights
When my mind gives up and my heart is ready to stop
When my fingers feel numb and my veins are ready to pop
He still sits there keeping it all together with his bare hands
And he keeps talking to me but never makes any demands
But it takes its toll on him, the strain must be insane
As he holds my entire world in his palms, while life refuses to stop the rain, and depression keeps telling him
There’s “nothing to gain 3x” let go
He always says no but I never heard it until I was old enough to listen
Till there were enough cracks in my mind to see through to myself
To catch a glimpse of what was behind I knew to be myself
And there he sat in the dark, in a chair, rocking back and forth
My life took its toll, and rendered him fragile and weak
Strong enough to keep me together and barely speak
But more than that he wasn’t capable of, his eyes dim, voice raspy
