My dreams have been pitch-black for as long as I can remember
They tell me seasons change but my mind is stuck in December
And it rains every day, cold wind runs through the drops almost freezing each one, and Im standing there waiting for the sun to come
And like I told you, Im stuck in December, I never get to January first
Never get a chance at a new beginning or get a chance at happiness
Im left in the cold as the rain keeps falling
And my emotions tell me that being happy is a real thing
But faking a smile is the closest I can get to it
Depression is like a memory your mind is unable to forget
And for some reason when it comes to this, my mind is photographic
Out of nowhere I can feel like bursting into tears
As if it just pops up out the blue my heart is overcome with fears
Choking back screams because of “nothing”
Nothing has to happen for me to get dragged into that dark place
Im scared that one day I will let my depression define me
As if Im nothing more than a bundle of tears whose core is empty
You would think that love could make me smile
Judging me by normal standards seems to society’s style
Because sadness is a state that ruins the so called happy mood
And when I get emotional I seek my refuge in food
As if each bite is a small remedy for the pain in my heart
They love to ask me if I knew when the depression found its start
But that doesn’t matter, its like walking on a dark road in a forest that’s been ripped from its lights
Ive been given a soul that’s strong enough to survive but not strong enough to fight, and Im holding the broken pieces of my mind together with all my might, Ive been doing it for over 20 years and Im still not doing it right
Writing has lost its power, my words weakened by overuse
Even my logic is battered and bruised from overuse
I cant even keep telling myself its going to be ok anymore
The voices in my head, Ive trained them to stay silent, but they wont listen anymore, putting and end to it all seems tempting
