I need you to listen and pay attention, grab that wandering mind of yours,
sit it down and be quiet, I need you to hear me
We have arrived at that dirty thirty with nothing more than a suitcase filled with nothing, there are no papers with plans for the future, there are no blankets of love to keep us warm, and we lost our ticket called a degree somewhere in that city called life
We have nothing more than mementos of mistakes we’ve made
Souvenirs from failures and pain, and postcards from memories we don’t want to revisit, and the option of a little me is so non-existent it pisses me off, and here we are at thirty 30 and we don’t even have a place to go back to, a place to call home, and you dare to tell me that I should be ok with being alone, FUCK YOU
Im freaking out, Ive betrayed every childhood dream I had when I was young,
Ive changed so many times even Im lost to who I am,
Find myself struggling through the day, not doing what I want but what I can, walking around aimlessly without a goal in mind, building bridges I will never walk on, my mind is unstable and it used to be so strong, my heart has grown weak,
and you keep telling me everything is going to be ok
That’s a damn lie, its impossible for everything to be ok, somethings have to be wrong, some stuff has to go wrong, and how do you know that Im not something, how do you know Im not some stuff, and if you have the audacity to say its faith, I will punch you in the mouth
The only answer I will accept is acceptance, acceptance that sometimes things don’t go as planned, acceptance that sometimes love is one-sided, acceptance that sometimes one mistake can ruin years of hard work, acceptance that the world doesn’t only belong to the good, acceptance that I am special and thus shouldn’t expect normal results,
accept that I am me, creative, flawed, me
The future doesn’t look the way I want it to,
the present doesn’t either and there is no sign of relief coming up
Sometimes words need to be said so they can be taken away
from the shackles that bind my mind, my heart and my love
Ive reached that dirty thirty and a slight panic hit me
