Light shows flicker and illuminate the rooftops
The street has become a Saint Nick backdrop
Reindeers prance in front yards
Surrounded by bulbs imitating stars
He walks with his head up, his jacket zipper down
To him the sound of jingle bells is more than a hollow sound
Unfazed by the cold, he smiles as each new Santa unfolds
For him this is the ultimate sight to behold
He reaches his door, opens it and turns around
He is greeted by the same excitement he has always found
As he screams “Ho Ho Ho”
A chant he must let go
Once inside, every bit of happiness died
The table holding 6 unpacked gifts is evidence that he tried
The tear soaked cloth besides them … proof that he cried
He doesn’t turn on the light
Finds it unnecessary to behold this sight
The moon trickles down its radiance
Staring at the gifts he whispers “have patience”
He goes to the table to sit down
The house is silent, outside provides its sound
As he grabs the paper to try again
This is not the first time, it is all part of a plan
He slowly packs the gifts, all the while staring at the tree
Decorated to shine, by any standards a true beauty
Each gift is perfectly wrapped, each gift its own color
He stands up to place his first gift under the tree “for mother”
“This Christmas gift is to the Christmas before you passed away”
“Children outlive parents, but your death shouldn’t have been that way”
“Bitten by a spider in the jungle of Brazil”
“Stepped in its territory, so its instinct was to kill”
“You experienced excruciating pain”
“I understood that all the while you kept screaming my name”
“You should have never went, but you wanted to see the world”
“So all its dangers you met head on as each unfurled”
“I miss you”
He then grabs another gift to place
As he puts it down his hands go before his face
“This Christmas gift is to the Christmas before she cheated on me”
“I gave her everything, sacrificed integrity, my personality all to see her happy”
“I met all demands, while trying to maintain the male role in the relationship”
“She could have told me she wanted to quit”
“Came home early, guess I came home to soon”
“I had to find her with 3 men in our bedroom”
“A actual gangbang, the slut the whore”
As he notices rage is taking over he grabs another gift
He has to move on regardless of the fact that he is pissed
“This Christmas gift is to the Christmas before you were taken away”
“My heart broke to never be healed that day”
“She told me she wasn’t ready, told me the responsibility was to heavy”
“Told me she would break down, said she couldn’t handle it”
“It was a cold and lonely summers day, one I’ll never forget”
“After that life was no longer met with any caution”
“For my unborn baby was greeted to this world with an abortion”
A tear rolls down his cheek, as he grabs the next one
“Keep going, there is still more to come”
“This Christmas gift is to the Christmas before I lost my job”
“Before I lost everything, before all I could do was sob”
“Before I had to say bye to a 6 figure salary”
“Before the economy forced me to get a job below me”
“My old friends no longer call”
“My bank account decided to free fall”
Shaking his head he grabs a gift but doesn’t put it with the rest
He holds it’s for a few seconds, for every year these ones he doesn’t want to confess
Until eventually he kneels and places it under the tree
“This Christmas gift is to the Christmas before you walked out on me”
“I still recall your back as you strolled out the door”
“I still recall you telling me you couldn’t handle it anymore”
“I still feel your hand ruffle my hair, as your face held a smirk”
“Not a bit of remorse in your eyes for the pain which lurks”
“You didn’t leave me a note, a quote a hint a shirt”
“You simply left me there, to drown in my pain to dip myself in hurt”
Several tears now roll down his cheek, as he comes back up
He glances at the last gift, and notices his tears getting stuck in his tear duct
Rage overwhelms him once more
But this rage sits and grows, this anger rests in his core
He grabs the gift so tight he breaks the box it’s in
He throws it under the tree with all his might and starts whispering
“This Christmas gift is to the Christmas before you did it”
“How I try, how I cry, how I wish I could forget”
“But this is a truth that shaped me”
“Insanity, insecurity, now rest in me”
“My father’s best friend molested me”
“No I was young and didn’t want it … he raped me”
“On several occasions, he made my body shutter with anguish”
“Being able to sleep with the bedroom door unlocked, a wish”
“No longer do I want to be scared, be haunted by nightmares”
“Thanks to you I feel like the no one in the world cares”
He breaks down in tears, as his hands cover his face
Outside has become silent, his weeping now fills the place
Until he stands up and again sits back in the chair
Still crying, but for the rest of the night he will remain there
Quietly looking at the gifts, quietly looking at the tree
Not moving, not talking just staring with a glance, ever empty
Kept company by memories that will never leave
